|Posted on July 18, 2015 at 12:40 AM|
It is said that opposites attract. Who on earth came up with that theory? Maybe opposites attract for batteries and compasses but in my opinion that theory is not true for people. Applying this lesson to our romantic pursuits is often a recipe for disaster. When it comes to matters of the heart, it gets complicated. Having nothing in common doesn't give you something special or the need to survive. For instance, my positive spirit with his negative attitude gives me a miserable relationship. I can think of a lot of opposite relationships that doesn't work well or integrate. Jesus and the devil, Ike and Tina, oil and water, bleach and ammonia, the educated verses the unlearned even a good looking man that's undetermined. No matter how you try to make any of those combinations work, simply it doesn't. How do I know? Based on pure observation. I'm not an expert in the field of science to know, the laws of physics and love can't exist when there isn't a bond. As I state in Chapter 3 in From the Florist to the Forest, "When something has bonded well together it is difficult to break apart. Bonding forms that indestructible connection that no one can break. With any bond there is a need." The need must exist to create the bond. Without the bond the relationship doesn't thrive. Forming the right bond creates a sense of belonging. Remember, I only speak or write from my personal experience. Your character, personality, goals & desires in life should align with your partner. In a relationship you will have to learn to be flexible, but not so unbalanced that you find yourself making accommodations for everything. Life already presents us challenges, so being a relationship shouldn't be filled with uncompromising drama. According to Psychology today, studies have found that people are more likely to be attracted to and pursue romantic relationships with individuals who are more like themselves in most facets of their lives. I wonder why? Actually I'm learning that when you and your mate are similar, it creates a harmonious peaceful relationship. You will find it easy to make decisions because you and your boo are on the same page about things that matter. You are a force to reckon with because better together than separated. You are secure with each other. You will appear to be happy in your relationship and find it easy like Sunday morning when you are more alike than different. Here are a few things (some are serious and some are funny) I believe a couple should not apply the opposite theory on.
Finances- We don’t have to have money to have a real good time! Said no woman ever! That’s cool for certain instances but is that the way the relationship will operate. Nothing kills a relationship faster than an over spender, a broke buster and a person that lives above their means. Who are you trying to impress? After marriage, you should be building an empire not tearing it down. Is there a retirement fund in place, a nest egg for a rainy day, or a savings account that will cover you just in case the unimaginable happens such as sickness or health was in intervene on your lives.
Energy- Ok, in the game of love we all know what grown people like to do. If he's a dud, and you're a bit experienced things will eventually get boring over time. Like yawning boring... The levels should match to help resist temptation from outside influences. If not, a whole lot of extra stimulation will be needed to keep the fire and desire burning. Again, I'm not an expert but I only speak from experience. (Smile)
Goals- What is the ultimate goal that you want to achieve together? Are you unequally yoked? Does he support you in your endeavors and do you support his dreams. Even if your goals are not aligned, that will create friction in your home. You will begin to resent your partner if for not being able to live out the dreams. When you marry someone unequally yoked, many things are not accomplished within your marriage because you don’t have the same outcome in mind. Instead, you will find yourselves arguing about trivial things. That’s enough to drive a person crazy.
Communication- communication builds bridges not walls. Your communication styles should be very similar in order to be effective. He’s yelling and your crying when disagreement comes creates two crushed spirits. When negativity is spewed like acid, it’s hard to take those words back once they are said.
Family- does he want a family and would you rather focus on your career & see the world. Starting a family is a serious conversation that should be discussed prior to "I do." Oh, and that mother-in-law that you can’t stand will someday become your child’s grandmother if the two of you decided to procreate. And if your husband-to-be is a momma’s boy, forget it. His mother will stand by waiting to catch him when he messes up because she doesn’t trust you.
Shared values & beliefs- Your political and religious views should be complement each other as well. Peoples beliefs say a lot about who they are and their character. For instance, if he is Buddhist and you’re a Christian, he will not understand your religious beliefs, thus creating strife in your home. In times of trouble, where will he turn to for direction, your God or his? How will your children be raised? What holidays will you celebrate? See… typing these questions created confusion in my head. You should be able to identify his work ethic and if you share the same values and morals. This helps establish cohesiveness amongst the two of you.